"Flooded" is a term Daniel Goleman uses from psycholgist John Gottman to describe the sort of relationship in which aggressive and defensive reflexes have become a way of life between two or more people. People are blinded to their partners virtues and strengths which deafens them from the voice of reason due to association with past hurts and indignities. Flooded relationships destroy health (physiological and psychological). Offense is taken at the smallest of things. Sometimes flooding has an identifiable trigger - such as a past infidelity, alcoholism or deceit. Your once dearest friend and closest companion has become your enemy and the cause of your ills.
There are no right or wrong answers. Answer impulsively and quickly. Circle the answer that comes closest to your own emotional response. Once finished, interpret your score.
Note: Keep in mind that this is just a fun snapshot and not conclusive scientific psychometric testing.
1. Your partner is:
a) always difficult and demanding
b) almost never difficult and demanding
c) impossible, but OK really
2. You are:
a) forgiving, tolerant and understanding
b) passionate, devoted, courteous
c) impossible, but you love him/her
3. What does the future hold for the two of you:
a) tough times, but a lot of fun together
b) tough times, and you have no faith that things will change
c) roses all the way
4. You have financial worries. S/He caresses you on the sofa. You think:
a) Why does s/he always choose the wrong moment
b) That's a good idea. Let's take time out from those boring bills
c) I owe it to him/her to snap out of it
5. S/He admires a member of the opposite sex on the street. You feel:
a) amused
b) furious
c) here we go again....
6. S/He says, "Darling, we have got to talk." You think
a) Not more of his/her whining or brow beating
b) Uh-oh. What's gone wrong
c) Just what I was going to say
7. S/He raises an objection to your plans. You say
a) Oh well, forget it
b) Typical. You can't accept any idea which is not your own
c) Hang on a second darling, let me think about this.
8. S/He is always
a) enigmatic, confusing, lovely
b) self-centred, self absorbed
c) variable, surprising
9. Loneliness is
a) impossible. You have your own company
b) a daily experience
c) being without your partner
10. S/He has
a) always let you down
b) never let your down
c) always amused you so what the hell..
11. S/He is untidy / lazy / inconsiderate
a) as a general rule
b) occastionally
c) never
SCORING:
1. a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
2. a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
3. a=3 / b = 1 / c=2
4. a=1 / b = 3 / c=2
5. a=3 / b = 2 / c=1
6. a=1 / b = 3 / c=2
7. a=2 / b = 1 / c=3
8. a=2 / b = 1 / c=3
9. a=3 / b = 1 / c=2
10. a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
11. a=1 / b = 3 / c=2
TOTAL ............
9-16 Excise "always" and "never" from your vocabulary. No one is always or never anything. People have annoying habits which surface from time to time. It may be too late for you to banish self made beliefs based on always and never but if your relationship is worth saving - and most are - list your partners qualities and praise them, remind yourself of all the reasons you got together in the first place, count your blessings and gently communicate your distress. Be ready to say sorry and to make concessions over trivial matters. Break the cycle by recognising that you are both badly bruised and need to be handled very gently....
17-24 The notion that your partner is perfect, wonderful, marvellous and superhuman is natural in the first emotional deluge called falling in love. Romance is just that - romancing or telling stories - and, on its own, is a poor basis for a relationship. Love is lovely - make the most of it - but recognise that, the more you idealise, the more bitter and cruel will be the adaptation to reality. It is easy to love a fictional character, a lot harder to muddle along with a fellow human.
25-33 There is no danger of flooding here - merely perhaps of complacency - but at least you can choose to inject gallantry, comedy, games and romance into your relationship when you will, without feeling that, by doing so, you are making a concession.
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INTERESTING SELF EMPOWERMENT LINKS
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