Is your relationship in danger of flooding.......

I have just returned from a weeks training in Cape Town (beautiful as usual...) where relationships were often the topic of discussion.  I came across a quick self-scoring test linked to Emotional Intelligence designed by Mark Daniel and thought it would be a fun and intriguing way to discover where one falls on the spectrum of emotional intelligence regarding relationship flooding. 

"Flooded" is a term Daniel Goleman uses from psycholgist John Gottman to describe the sort of relationship in which aggressive and defensive reflexes have become a way of life between two or more people.  People are blinded to their partners virtues and strengths which deafens them from the voice of reason due to association with past hurts and indignities.  Flooded relationships destroy health (physiological and psychological).  Offense is taken at the smallest of things.  Sometimes flooding has an identifiable trigger - such as a past infidelity, alcoholism or deceit.  Your once dearest friend and closest companion has become your enemy and the cause of your ills.

There are no right or wrong answers.  Answer impulsively and quickly.  Circle the answer that comes closest to your own emotional response.  Once finished, interpret your score.
Note:  Keep in mind that this is just a fun snapshot and not conclusive scientific psychometric testing.

1. Your partner is:
a) always difficult and demanding
b) almost never difficult and demanding
c) impossible, but OK really

2. You are:
a) forgiving, tolerant and understanding
b) passionate, devoted, courteous
c) impossible, but you love him/her

3. What does the future hold for the two of you:
a) tough times, but a lot of fun together
b) tough times, and you have no faith that things will change
c) roses all the way

4. You have financial worries.  S/He caresses you on the sofa.  You think:
a) Why does s/he always choose the wrong moment
b) That's a good idea. Let's take time out from those boring bills
c) I owe it to him/her to snap out of it

5. S/He admires a member of the opposite sex on the street.  You feel:
a) amused
b) furious
c) here we go again....

6. S/He says, "Darling, we have got to talk."  You think
a) Not more of his/her whining or brow beating
b) Uh-oh.  What's gone wrong
c) Just what I was going to say

7. S/He raises an objection to your plans. You say
a) Oh well, forget it
b) Typical. You can't accept any idea which is not your own
c) Hang on a second darling, let me think about this.

8. S/He is always
a) enigmatic, confusing, lovely
b) self-centred, self absorbed
c) variable, surprising

9. Loneliness is
a) impossible. You have your own company
b) a daily experience
c) being without your partner

10. S/He has
a) always let you down
b) never let your down
c) always amused you so what the hell..

11. S/He is untidy / lazy / inconsiderate
a) as a general rule
b) occastionally
c) never


SCORING:
1.    a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
2.    a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
3.    a=3 / b = 1 / c=2
4.    a=1 / b = 3 / c=2
5.    a=3 / b = 2 / c=1
6.    a=1 / b = 3 / c=2
7.    a=2 / b = 1 / c=3
8.    a=2 / b = 1 / c=3
9.    a=3 / b = 1 / c=2
10.  a=1 / b = 2 / c=3
11.  a=1 / b = 3 / c=2

TOTAL             ............

9-16    Excise "always" and "never" from your vocabulary.  No one is always or never anything.  People have annoying habits which surface from time to time.  It may be too late for you to banish self made beliefs based on always and never but if your relationship is worth saving - and most are - list your partners qualities and praise them, remind yourself of all the reasons you got together in the first place, count your blessings and gently communicate your distress.  Be ready to say sorry and to make concessions over trivial matters.  Break the cycle by recognising that you are both badly bruised and need to be handled very gently....

17-24    The notion that your partner is perfect, wonderful, marvellous and superhuman is natural in the first emotional deluge called falling in love.  Romance is just that - romancing or telling stories - and, on its own, is a poor basis for a relationship.  Love is lovely - make the most of it - but recognise that, the more you idealise, the more bitter and cruel will be the adaptation to reality.  It is easy to love a fictional character, a lot harder to muddle along with a fellow human.

25-33    There is no danger of flooding here - merely perhaps of complacency - but at least you can choose to inject gallantry, comedy, games and romance into your relationship when you will, without feeling that, by doing so, you are making a concession.

The Human Equation website

 

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Good vibrations.......

I didn't fail 1000 times - the lightbulb was an invention with 1000 steps (Thomas Edison). 

This was a kid who was sent home in grade 3 because his teachers said he would never amount to anything yet he changed the entire world!  What a great attitude.  Most people would have given up after the second or third try.  Edison obviously had persistence.....but did he have more than that?

Ordinary people do extra-ordinary things.  There are functionally illiterate people who are multi-millionaires because they simply made up their minds that they were going to do it.  Whatever "it" is.  Thet didn't allow the thinking of the masses control their minds and sink into their subconscious to become a paradigm.  They broke out and changed things.  Our paradigms are subconscious conditioning.  They are a multitude of ideas and beliefs fixed in our subconscious mind.  (Bob Proctor - The Secret)

Dr Robert Anthony says everything that manifests in your life or anybody else's life that you are observing, is nothing more than an indication of your vibrational frequency and indicators are manifestations of what you have been doing vibrationally.  So if wonderful things are happening, you are receiving indications of the vibrations you have been sending out. If things have been out of control in your life, then you've got negative manifestations of what you have been offering vibrationally. 

 

Indicators are just that - indicators.  Dr Anthony uses the following example to bring the point home.  You don't go to the gas station when the gas gauge is on empty and lay your head on the steering wheel in utter despair and say, "Oh look at what I have done. The gas gauge is on empty but I kept driving. My life is a mess". The gas gauge is an indicator and you know you have to do something about it.  You don't paste a happy face sticker over the gas gauge because it is depressing to see you are on empty.  You also don't usually wait until you are completely out of gas and standing on the side of the road. You fill it up don't you?

 

That's what we are talking about here. We are talking about your indicator that lets you know what your habit of thought has been. And if you have been feeling pretty crummy lately then it is time for a fill up. If things are not going the way you want them to - it's time to change your thoughts about it.  It's time to offer some more deliberate thought. It's time to seek a better attitude. It's time to stop blaming yourself and others, stop feeling sorry for yourself and become more positive, even in the smallest way. Don't blame your "indicator". Instead, train your mind to look for the good things in your life and you will find them. (Dr Robert Anthony)

 

Makes you think.....................

 

 

Visit http://www.makesyouthink.co.za/ for information on Bob Proctor's forthcoming 1st time visit to South Africa.

Smile & the world smiles with you......

I always tell my learners to think about something positive as soon as a negative thought process creeps into their minds.  I am also often asked if I practice what I preach.  The answer is always a resounding.....OH YES.....with a huge grin on my face.....

I have a huge repertoire of real life funny situations that I can immediately tap in to.  For instance, I think about my wife, Elise, being a young impressionable (be it snobbish) teenager away at hostel and coming home for the weekend where she was treat as the belle of the ball by the local lads.  Three lads, Dirkie, Kobie and Corrie, paid special attention to her but she wasn't too interested and shrugged them off without a minutes thought.  Non plussed, they approached Elise, her sister Becky & their friend Anita and told them there was a fancy dress dance to celebrate old years eve at the local Grootvlei Power Station club.

Eager to go out that night, the three girls rushed home where their mom, Hettie, rigged them out as a pirate with a patch, scar and parrot on the shoulder (Elise), a Little Dutch Girl with short dress, frilly knicker bockers and a typical pointed dutch hat (Becky) and Mickey Mouse complete with big white gloves, Mickey Mouse Mask, a tail made from a coat hanger and oversized black shoes (Anita).

Well, their dad and mom duly dropped them off at the club and without waiting for their folks to leave properly, the three girls rushed inside, virtually falling over each other in their eagerness to be noticed.  They flung the main doors open and to their shock and horror everyone was in smart evening dress.......The music stopped, everyone stopped dancing and turned to the doors that had been flung open, their mouths wide open in horrified disbelief.  There, in the doorway, was Mickey Mouse, a Little Dutch Girl and a Pirate.......

At the opposite end of the room was Dirkie, Kobie and Corrie, cokes in hand and grinning from ear to ear.........Touche' boys!!

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